I have been thinking a lot about this recently as it has been something I always mean to do but hardly follow through with.
Before my girl was born I felt like I made a lot of time for myself… I would exercise, walk home with my headphones blaring, maybe wander through the shops and pick up something nice, Do a hair treatment..maybe even a facial or get my lashes done.
I had a healthy relationship with myself because I was kind to myself and made that special me time a priority.
Since having my daughter I have realised that I suddenly stopped all of that…not entirely but pretty much all those things came second or third or fourth to the daily mum/work/house life battle and I allowed myself to and I put no effort into making that time as important as everything else I do week to week.
I have come to realise now that a large chunk of my happiness came from this little tiny thing that I took away from myself.
Most days consist of me rolling out of bed to attend to my beautiful girl, feed her brekky, get her dressed and start my work. Unfortunately my days never start with a hot shower and usually consist of me running around in my raggety trackpants with my week old hair in desperate need of attending too, my pits stinking cause I’ve forgotten to put deodorant on once again and me praying that no one knocks on my front door and witnesses this tragic sight.
A terrible habit of mine is putting a massive amount of pressure on myself to have everything in order. I struggle with a messy house or things being out of place, I stress over the amount of washing I need to do or that the dinner needs to be cooked in time for my partner to get home. This stress I put on myself is so unhealthy that I put myself in such a bad headspace that I end up putting my negative mindset on my partner.
Cleaning and having order in my life and home has always been my go to way of coping/de stressing… I find that once these things are done I feel really good within myself and it sets me up for a great day/night!
The problem with it is that If something doesn’t work out…for example: my daughter is feeling a bit cruddy and clingy and not allowing me to get on with said tasks or the work line is going crazy, I haven’t a clue what to do for dinner and the house is a mess or all of the above.. I shut down. I feel frustrated, hopeless and annoyed at myself. I put so much blame on myself for not being able to do enough in the day that I don’t stop and look at the positives of what I have achieved.
I forget to stop, breathe and look at my beautiful daughter and remind myself I am doing amazing because she is healthy, sweet, kind, caring and for the most part a happy wee girl. I forget to remind myself I am doing great tackling working and Marls let alone the daily chores.
Today I made a start…. Its nearly 3pm here and I took the chance and actually washed my mop! I booked in to get my lashes done this Friday, booked my beautiful sissy for this Saturday to let my hair down with my man (Malrs first overnight…biggg step), I treated myself to a necklace and some online shopping (biggg step for me as I hate spending money on myself) And I have had a coffee! yippeeee!
I could go on and on about all the things I haven’t done today (food cough cough) but I think looking at the positives rather than the negatives is a healthier way to look at today! right? right? okay okay haha
Tomorrow is a new day and I am going to start by…you guessed it a shower before at leassstttt 8am!